Christianity Never Existed

Gnostic Christianity exist today in a multitude of different names. A line of initiates unbroken from before Jesus lives among us but their secrets are even more hidden than ever before.

Christianity currently understood in America is a religion far removed from the name in which it renders.  “The Way” as it was known, or The Great Work, was the intention of the Master.  As man slumbered in the garden while the master agonized his divine appointment, so the church created dogma to better control others rather than know themselves.

Saint Valentinus nearly Bishop of Rome was ostracized by the work of Irenaeus who solidified those who carry the name of Christian as synonymous with Rome.  The Kingdom within was buried underground circulating the earth in secret until this day.

The Apostle Paul who understood the evil of the Pharisee; yet even he submitted to Jerusalem.  The control of humanity was in the hands of the elite, a black brotherhood of cross wearing magicians.  Just as Satan comes as an angel of light so does the ones who ask for both money and loyalty. Gnostic sects forced underground only reemerging as military monastic orders who were later burnt at the stake.

The “true cross” marched through the desert sands bringing destruction and misery in its wake just as the United States armed forces with words bring freedom, but in truth only death.  The gospel of the Master only lasted until his death; man, again tempted, destroyed any good the Master built; except for the few. Dare I say Magdalene and her son carried the message of the Master eventually reaching saint Valentinus who then gave up the treasures of the world to save his soul. 

An Obscure Religion Based On Works

Today’s Christianity is an obscure religion based on works.  While this statement would be argued by many within the clergy, actions speak louder than words.  Truth is proven by the results of work.  The work of Christianity in its current form is one that only brings fear, and torment to those who hold its dogma as law.  Doctrines such as hell and eternal torment, the giving of tithes, the cults of personalities along with dozens of infractions all burdens around the neck.

Gnostic Christianity exist today in a multitude of different names.  A line of initiates unbroken from before Jesus lives among us but their secrets are even more hidden than ever before.  There is no technology of man that can initiate one into the mysteries.  The more humanity tries through science alone, the more tucked away truth becomes.  Truth cries out, but ears are deaf, and eyes are shut.  Humanity is continually concerned with the profane and mundane. It is rare for an individual to escape once indoctrinated by the smoke, lights, and mirrors of today’s society.

A Christianity That Never Existed

American Christianity is a Christianity that never existed.  Christianity as a religion of good news, freedom of Will and deliverance from the bondage of sin and death is not the Christianity in which you were raised. This is not the Christianity of America.  The Christianity of America condemns rather than forgives, spreads fear rather than loves and places burdens around the necks of it adherents.

You might ask the author; is there another way?  Can Christianity be saved?  Yes, but only in the line of Magdalene. This is difficult to find. However, if one searches, willing to sell everything for the pearl, open arms await.      


White Repudiation

White America makes sure they stay away from any street that is named Dr. Martin Luther King. White America cries “White lives matter” when their lives have always mattered.

The murder of 5-year-old Cannon Hinnant, is repudiation of the “Black Lives Matter” movement using his name and image to support “White Lives Matter” on social media.  This is nothing more than white denial; making it ever clearer that white America is as ignorant as ever.

The use of a murdered 5-year-old as a symbol of the ignorance of white America is disgusting to say the least.  A terrible gut-wrenching crime, the suspect Darius Sessoms arrested and charged with 1st degree murder the same day. Sessoms is being held without bail and if convicted could face the death penalty.

Do All Lives Matter?

Yes, it is true white lives matter, but is it true that all lives matter?  It would be ignorant of me to say yes when African Americans are still trying to explain to white America that their lives do not.  ‘Black Lives Matter” is not aggression towards whites, rather a call for help and understanding.  

There as been no justice for the cause of blacks in America. Black communities are segregated from their white neighbors; all by design  No concerns over black children gunned down on a weekly basis. White America continues to turn a deaf hear.

White America makes sure they stay away from any street that is named Dr. Martin Luther King. White America cries “White lives matter” when their lives have always mattered.  It is black lives that do not.  Yes, all lives matter, but, blacks are being left out as usual in America.  White America does just enough to not taint their white robes or lose their hoods and be labeled racist.  It is much easier for whites to counter with images of murdered child.

The America we live in is not the America you have been taught about in school.  Taxation without representation was not the major concern of 1776, rather Britain was moving to outlaw slavery.  Without slaves the colonies would lose their primary source of income.  With a victory over Britain the colonies could then continue with their slave trade and build a country off the backs of blacks. 

Slavery is Still Legal.

While it is true that the 13th amendment abolished slavery, as with any law there is always loopholes.  “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for a crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.”  You have to believe that the writers of this amendment knew exactly what they were doing when adding at the very top of the amendment “Except as a punishment for a crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted.”  Slavery then has never been illegal in the United States rather the ways in which slaves are acquired changed.

“Crimes” in which blacks were forced back into servitude or worse.  There are reports of blacks being lynched for little more than breaking so called “codes of behavior” which could be little more than not showing the proper respect for whites.  This again shows how whites in America are easily offended. 

Blacks after the Civil War could not obtain employment so vagrancy become a crime in which the 13th amendment loophole could put someone right back to the fields they were just freed from.  Today the “war on drugs” which is just another “black code” has created the largest black slave population in American history. More blacks are in prison today than their was slaves in 1850.

Black vs. White Wealth

Whites seem to not understand that there is little wealth passed down within black families. White America has enjoyed creating an American middle class, building upon their wealth over several generations.  Essentially every generation of black Americans are having to start over.  Once a black American has been labeled a felon it is a label that sticks for life.  The chances for moving up the social ladder and providing for you and your family becomes nearly nonexistent and white America is perplexed why the country has a drug problem.  It seems obvious to me! If I had no other option or understood that my chances are extremely slim of making it out of this mess white America created crime may seem an easier route than the odds of becoming the next Barack Obama.

Black lives matter and white America needs to understand that they are not superior rather, lazy, and ignorant using their supposed superiority to build a white nation under their god, forcing everyone to live by their rules.  Is it time for a restructuring of society? Yes! Hell yes!  A society built on what America was built upon is like building a house upon sand.  The constitution is not God’s gift to man, it is a creation by the white man for the white man.

Results of an action is the determination of effectiveness towards a desired goal.  It seems as if Americas goal from the beginning was to continue the advancement of slavery.  The colonies won the war and have continued in the slave trade up until today. Crimes committed against whites become a national headline while black children are gunned down in the street with a few soundbites from the talking heads.  Black lives matter and the end of white repudiation is needed more than ever. 

I do believe there is hope although as in any good endeavor much work is needed. It is my hope for our children to grow up together not separated due to the color of someone’s skin, not one race being the deciding voice while another race lives in poverty, violence and slavery far away from white neighborhoods with street names like “Pleasant Valley.”

Murders of many innocent African Americans in recent months have fuled public protest and supposed policy changes. However, these still seem only lip service to keep the black man in his place and out of the suburbs. Propagandizing the murder of a white child to advance the white agenda shows just how much work there needs to be done.       



Police and Funding

Police officers in America receive at best 24 hours of training per year. This is a startling statistic.

I write this article as a former military police soldier who spent 5 years on active duty.        

De-funding the police is a common theme in America today.  I would argue rather than de-fund the police America should overwhelmingly fund the police.  De-funding the police only brings about lack of training and bad hires. Psychological, intelligence and physical traits would suffer.

24 hours of additional training per year.

The average police officer receives an initial 6 months of training before they hit the streets.  This is comparable to the military’s military police corps.  The difference is the training received once the officer is sworn in.  Police officers in America receive at best 24 hours of training per year.  This is a startling statistic.  Military training works in cycles.  It is not uncommon for a military police soldier to spend months per year just training. 

A military police battalion charged with upholding law enforcement at a Fort is comprised of about 700-1000 soldiers.  Local police departments do not have the manpower or the funds to hire and train there officers. Substantial funding would be needed for police to receive the appropriate training on par with the military.

Being a police officer is the hardest job on the planet, especially in America. The amount of stress an officer is under day in and day out can certainly take an emotional toll. Police become desensitized to the world around them. Regular psychiatric evaluations should be required to make sure an officer is stable to perform his or her duties.  Being a police officer might not be a 20+ year career as some may not be able to undergo the psychological rigors of the job. 

College education

College education is important when looking at potential new hires.  Generally, you only need a HS diploma or GED to qualify. I argue a bachelor’s degree should be mandatory for new hires.  Why?  Not all police will make it 20 years; there should be away for officers to integrate into other fields of police support. 

Forget about a degree in law enforcement.  Degrees in social work, psychology or sociology may be a better fit.  These degrees are a solid foundation for an officer to build upon as they enter different stages in their career. Ongoing education should be a priority for every officer.  A master’s in social work or an MA in counseling would give the officer the ability to become a licensed therapist working with the department to perform non-patrol duties.

Policing is a community function of intimacy not an “us vs. them” mentality.

Just as there are nearly 1000 soldiers in a military police battalion not all perform police duties.  Local departments would have a wide range of experts to handle the day to day challenges of police work.  An officer could move into a more specialized role continuing their careers. These experienced specialists would be able to set the tone for new hires. Policing is a community function of intimacy not an “us vs. them” mentality.

Physical fitness and unarmed combat.

Former presidential candidate Andrew Yang suggested that a police officer should have at least a purple belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ).  Police like the military would be subject to regular fitness along with hand to hand combat testing. Police must feel comfortable and confident without relying on their firearm.



My Struggle: Anxiety

One day my heart will stop, one day I will no longer be alive. Should I dwell on what will happen in the future? Or should I focus on what is before me right now?

Panic attacks and anxiety that never goes away.  Generally, anxiety may last an hour or so, not mine.  I live in a constant state of anxiety with occasional panic attacks.  I have struggled with this for 15 years.  I probably first stated having panic attacks about 6 months outside of me finishing my term of service in the Army.  I went to the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack.  Instead after a hefty dose of Valium I was told I had a severe panic attack and should consult my physician. 

15 Years Later

Now 15 years later not much has changed I still live in a continually anxious state with the occasional panic attack.  I do not like to ride in cars or be in places that I cannot control.  The doctor put me on benzos and anti-depressants.  I think they work; benzos are nice saving me trips to the ER.

I know all the drills; I practice many of them.  Daily meditation sometimes up to 30 minutes, I stay active, I try to eat healthy but until recently I could not put my finger on it.  I have concluded that I am afraid of death; more so I have (FOMO) fear of missing out.  But, missing out on what?  I have accomplished much in my life and honestly in 40 years I have done more than most.  Maybe it is just the selfish nature inside of me that thinks I want it all?  I heard a great quote during one of my many stints in rehab.  “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”

One day my heart will stop, one day I will no longer be alive.  Should I dwell on what will happen in the future? Or should I focus on what is before me right now?  The obvious answer is to be mindful and appreciate the right now.  Just for today I can accept my position in the Universe.  I may never get famous, make a lot of money, or marry a super model but I know I can eventually live anxiety free.  Not there yet but working on it. 


Death of Christianity

It is time we confess as Christians that our foundations of American Christianity have been rooted in racism, manipulation and greed.

It is time we confess as Christians that our foundations of American Christianity has been rooted in racism, manipulation and greed. However the roots of evil have stemmed for much longer; 2000 years longer. Christianity as known by the Apostles died shortly after them with the establishment of the hierarchy of church offices. All are one body, the bishop is equal to the layman both changing roles as needed.

Permanent hierarchy leads to unchanged doctrines and dogma which do not advance with society. The power of the Church leads to greed and manipulation of the State. All this is evil. We must admit and ask for forgiveness for being apart of the actions we committed; even if done in ignorance. We must deconstruct and build based on love and the priesthood of all saints. We must repent for the countless lives lost, and untold wealth stolen away.

What is Done in the Dark Will be Seen in the Light

What is done in the dark will be seen in the light. The Church has openly conducted evil actions for all to see. However, if no one can see the actions, they remain in the dark. Now, now, is the time in which the scales are falling from the eyes. We stand naked in the garden without knowledge of our fate. We fear because we do not live by faith. Love is not found only the actions of the flesh.

We have worn the clothes of the profane for far too long, creating an institution of bondage rather than bringers of light. We celebrate the ressurection without understanding its purpose. We, as the Master spoke, have failed to see the logs in our eyes. It is time to repent for the actions done in the name of Christ.

Will You Repent With Me?

Will you repent with me? Will you say, I was wrong and love is right? Or, will you continue to deny your actions all the way to the throne of God? When that time comes you will realize heaven is meant to be on earth. Heaven is within the heart of the individual. When light comes no darkness is found. Here me now. Christianity is dead as we know it. We must correct what has been perverted and rebuild under the freedom of forgiveness.

The Kingdom the Power and the Glory Amen.


What is Racist?

The world has gone 2+2=10 and we all clap. We cannot figure shit out while we are running around trying to dig up dirt on each other making sure we didn’t wear “black face” as a kid.

What is racist?  Was it racist then or now?  Who decides these things and why do we care?  I do not know.  If a person told me they never said something racist or offensive in their life I would look like they were a newborn baby, you would have to be for me to believe that shit. 

The world has gone 2+2=10 and we all clap. We cannot figure shit out while we are running around trying to dig up dirt on each other making sure we didn’t wear “black face” as a kid.  Fuck man, every kid I grew up with and especially you older folks would be straight canceled if someone would go through your Halloween pictures.

Canceling and getting mad and all the talking heads who want to tell us what to do, how to act, and when the Covid slowed down the protest started, the protest stop and Covid is back up.  Every 30 seconds it is breaking news. We live in a society of oversensitive, desensitized fucks.  Ignorance is certainly not bliss in this department.

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”

I once heard something cool when going through one of my many stints in rehab.  “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”  When I put those words in front of any situation the stress of the world for only a moment in time goes away.  I say it like a fucking mantra on the way to buy more alcohol, so I do not have to remember someones whiny ass shit on the internet.

Thank god for essential businesses like alcohol and weed.  I think the governors understood when they locked us down and broke the economy that we needed something.  Probably going to do another stint. 

Back to my point.  What is racist?  I still do not know.  These movements seem so ego driven.  The deeper I go inside, the more I realize nothing much matters.  I exist.  That is it, I exist.  Who knows, maybe that is white privilege.  I do not care, cannot help the way you were born, but now its almost a crime to make fun of others. 

White people talk about heritage huh? Heritage in what?  I mean none of us no matter what country you are from have great heritages to be proud of. All of our heritage is based in a bunch of power-hungry fucks trying to kill each other for the dumb shit title of king. 

Who is really the racist?

Who really is the racist? It is the ones with the money.  In fact, I would not even call them racist as they do not care what race you are from as long as you can work.  So, they give you this thing called money and we fight over it like buzzards on a dead skunk.  Backstab, manipulate, steal, murder, rob, all this because we need a nice size 401k before we die.  How long do you plan to live sir?  Do they ask a rich person that? Fuck no, they ask them how they want their estate divided up and what charity would you like to leave a portion.  Those bitches are the real slave masters of the 21st century.  Who is racist?  We all are, maybe if we take some time to get out of our ego driven selves, we can do something productive in this world.  Something good like chasing rabbits and tightrope walking.    


Hope in the Wilderness

Opportunity is key in escaping difficult realities. Sometimes we must create our own opportunities and struggle with all we have until we emerge.

Felon, Homeless, Addict etc.

I have talked with hundreds of people who feel they are stuck walking in quicksand sinking deeper and deeper.  Stop, are you going to continue walking until the odds of escaping the mud are next to none?  Or, are you going to look for opportunities to escape?  Opportunity is key in escaping difficult realities.  Sometimes we must create our own opportunities and struggle with all we have until we emerge. You can find opportunity regardless of your situation.

Many of us who have a less than desirable past feel guilty and ashamed of our actions and the labels of felon, addict, homeless etc.  These are very real emotions as they are real labels that society feels are acceptable to lay upon us.  From the very start of your journey into a new life you must fight the system.  How do you fight the system?

Ask For Help

There are numerous agencies be it Goodwill’s and other non-profits that have programs to help you get started.  You will also have the option to go back to school, be it college or trade schools.  There are grants that may be available based on your situation.  Stay out of trouble.  Often the mud in our lives at least for me, was trouble with the law.  I had to not only make a life change and live it, I had to literally change my life, embracing, and enjoying my transformation into a being a productive member of society.

Balance The Scales

You have decided to live a better life, done playing games and giving up.  Now comes the hard part.  You created a plan; school, professional help, volunteering etc.  Now you must move forward with your plan.  It may take you an exceptionally long time to start seeing any fruits.  It took me nearly 10 years from the time I was in jail to working as a professional career counselor.  Biggest keys to my success was staying out of trouble and education. I earned two degrees and currently working on a doctorate.

Stay The Course

I was turned down by everyone. I would receive job offers on a regular basis only to be turned down after the background check. Often it is a waiting game. But you do not want to wait and do nothing. While you wait start balancing those scales through education, good service and staying out of trouble.

Get Involved

Get involved in positive community functions.  Find a church, club, or some type of organization that does good works and join in.  You are connecting yourself with good positive people who may have just the right connections to find you that job.  Volunteer at shelters, food pantries, clean up graffiti, pick up trash; just start doing good all over.  Let me tell you these good works will not go unnoticed; you do not need a background check to do good.    

Continue Writing Chapters

All these things I have talked about will start giving you something to write home about.  Listen, everyone loves a good story, but you know what people love more?  A story in which a guy is fucked up and then builds himself up and becomes the hero.  What kind of hero do you want to be?  That is up for you to decide.  Regardless, you will start automatically attracting good things as your story becomes more and more convincing. You are not that fucked up guy anymore but a person of action, change and inspiration.

You can do it, there is hope and your story has just begun!



I do not think I have ever been more mentally sick due to what I see currently in America.

Why I am done.

I am tired.  For years I have tried to promote social justice and freedom for the American people.  I have never had a huge platform; I am just like you.  Facebook and blogs have been my stage with little to gain.  I wrote a small piece on Facebook describing that the only way the United States can have true unity, peace and healing is through a mass spiritual awakening.  I am done discussing politics and done with most social issues.

Not good for the soul

One may say, Nate, you should continue the good fight!  I would answer, of course I am going to continue the good fight.  However, the fight I will wage will no longer be one that continues to stir opinion and hurt my soul.  I do not think I have ever been more mentally sick due to what I see currently in America.  This is not good for my mental health; it is not good for my personal life.  I will leave it to others to do what they feel in their heart they must do.

I am at a point in which I am going to do the best I can to seek the Kingdom within.  To discover who I am as a human being and maybe through my discovery and actions in life it may be an influence towards the spiritual growth in others.

Search within

I am dedicating myself to a search within.  Jesus said the kingdom of heaven is within.  If this is the case, it would behoove me to only be interested in this kingdom. Why would anyone want to continue a fight of flesh and blood when flesh and blood is not the enemy?  Our enemy is ignorance of our true Selves.  My objective is to know God and make him known.  To become one with the Father as Jesus was one with the Father; this was the prayer off the master.  This is also my prayer. 



Jesus said rightly, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” (Matthew 19:24, NIV).

If you were to take away any talk of money from the world news the show would be cut from 30 to 10 minutes.  During our current crisis we see the greed of corporations and people stir once again. I need a bail out, you need a bail out, we all need a bail out like contestants on the Oprah show. Get rid of the concept of money as we know it?

I do not know exactly how this would work; maybe we start slowly.  Gradually rip apart the constructs of capitalism and imprison the bankers and CEO’s in which their only mission seems to bankrupt the American people while they feast at banquet.  These institutions must come down for the American people to be free.

Contributionism is a concept in which we each contribute our skills no matter what they are to receive in return the contributions of others.  During these times we have seen firsthand the importance of many who were once considered the least of these.  The store clerks, truck drivers, gas station attendants, delivery drivers and more.  Of course, those within the medical profession while not be counted among the least of these, are performing their calling with heroic efforts.  We have seen that the true least of these is our politicians, lawyers, CEO’s, etc.  These people are not needed in crisis. 

All Are Rich

What if we all shared in what our creator gave us?  What if we could pass through the fiery sword back into the garden of our birth.  A place in which all is equal.  A place in which mankind sinned by eating the fruit of greed, killing Abel and giving birth to original sin, the sin of greed. 

Let us free ourselves from the slave driver named greed.  Rather, coming together as a community of freedom.  A true church if you will; a place without walls held up by the love of our hearts.  The words economy is stricken from our thoughts as we enter the gates of paradise. 

Jesus said rightly, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” (Matthew 19:24, NIV). 


Our faith must be bigger than the price tag.  I understand the economical impact that COVID-19 is having upon America.  Some large business execs want to hurry the pace to bring back society to the way it was just a short while ago.  This of course Is foolish talk as even when the spread ceases people will not forget the pandemic. The handshake may become a thing of the past.  That might not be a bad idea with the world population far exceeding the earth’s natural capacity.  Viruses will become more sophisticated over time.  There is however an answer to this if we allow our faith to be bigger than the price tag. 

Our technology is increasing at an ever-rapid rate.  When our quantum computers combined with artificial intelligence advances to a level in which we can create not only vaccines but cures in days rather than years the worry of dying young will vanish, but world population may still be a problem.  One might feel that cities in the seas, creating cities in places with less population density is an answer. America and the rest of the world must become very serious about colonizing space.  The moon and Mars will be humanities next homes.  Rather than having countries we will have self-governing planets with an alliance for the advancement of humanity into the further most reaches of space. 

Nothing Is Possible When We Lack Faith

None of the above is possible when we lack faith. Humans gravitate to the negative.  What is this negative I speak of?  The love of money, in creates a plethora of evils in our society.  We do not have the faith to resist the temptations and succumb to our love of money protecting what is known as a “good” economy regardless of the human destruction in which it causes.  There are real people today including President Trump who believe we must get back to work now.  Why?  To get the economy moving again.  Some have said that we should even go so far as to sacrifice our lives for the love of money.  The sad truth many of these people are within so called “faith” communities. 

Humanity Needs a Reset

Humanity needs a reset and COVID-19 might just be that reset which humanity needs, right now.  To admit our love of money and to then become free from the fear of lack which is holding us back.  When we worry about things, those things tend to happen in our lives, and this is magnified when billions of people are putting negativity into the world.  We get off on the negativity, we embrace it even when it hurts us.  We feel comfortable in which we give up control. Like having an abusive partner we keep going back from a false sense of control over our lives.

It is time to do some deep soul searching.  To look into the dim mirror of our souls, brave enough to be honest with ourselves and the dark human nature.  Start taking steps by writing down our fears.  “I can’t afford the rent, groceries, healthcare, etc.”  Admit that this scares you, then start to tell yourself you can afford, you can do, you are not fearful!  Embrace the evil negative thought patterns placing themunder your control. We will get though these strange times, it is what we do afterwards which will determine our future for either good or evil.  We can go back to business as usual as slaves or we can create a world of universal Contributionism in which all people share in the richness of all the resources that are available to us.  Along with the material benefits we will receive the most important benefit, peace of mind.