My Struggle: Anxiety

One day my heart will stop, one day I will no longer be alive. Should I dwell on what will happen in the future? Or should I focus on what is before me right now?

Panic attacks and anxiety that never goes away.  Generally, anxiety may last an hour or so, not mine.  I live in a constant state of anxiety with occasional panic attacks.  I have struggled with this for 15 years.  I probably first stated having panic attacks about 6 months outside of me finishing my term of service in the Army.  I went to the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack.  Instead after a hefty dose of Valium I was told I had a severe panic attack and should consult my physician. 

15 Years Later

Now 15 years later not much has changed I still live in a continually anxious state with the occasional panic attack.  I do not like to ride in cars or be in places that I cannot control.  The doctor put me on benzos and anti-depressants.  I think they work; benzos are nice saving me trips to the ER.

I know all the drills; I practice many of them.  Daily meditation sometimes up to 30 minutes, I stay active, I try to eat healthy but until recently I could not put my finger on it.  I have concluded that I am afraid of death; more so I have (FOMO) fear of missing out.  But, missing out on what?  I have accomplished much in my life and honestly in 40 years I have done more than most.  Maybe it is just the selfish nature inside of me that thinks I want it all?  I heard a great quote during one of my many stints in rehab.  “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”

One day my heart will stop, one day I will no longer be alive.  Should I dwell on what will happen in the future? Or should I focus on what is before me right now?  The obvious answer is to be mindful and appreciate the right now.  Just for today I can accept my position in the Universe.  I may never get famous, make a lot of money, or marry a super model but I know I can eventually live anxiety free.  Not there yet but working on it. 

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I AM DONE

I do not think I have ever been more mentally sick due to what I see currently in America.

Why I am done.

I am tired.  For years I have tried to promote social justice and freedom for the American people.  I have never had a huge platform; I am just like you.  Facebook and blogs have been my stage with little to gain.  I wrote a small piece on Facebook describing that the only way the United States can have true unity, peace and healing is through a mass spiritual awakening.  I am done discussing politics and done with most social issues.

Not good for the soul

One may say, Nate, you should continue the good fight!  I would answer, of course I am going to continue the good fight.  However, the fight I will wage will no longer be one that continues to stir opinion and hurt my soul.  I do not think I have ever been more mentally sick due to what I see currently in America.  This is not good for my mental health; it is not good for my personal life.  I will leave it to others to do what they feel in their heart they must do.

I am at a point in which I am going to do the best I can to seek the Kingdom within.  To discover who I am as a human being and maybe through my discovery and actions in life it may be an influence towards the spiritual growth in others.

Search within

I am dedicating myself to a search within.  Jesus said the kingdom of heaven is within.  If this is the case, it would behoove me to only be interested in this kingdom. Why would anyone want to continue a fight of flesh and blood when flesh and blood is not the enemy?  Our enemy is ignorance of our true Selves.  My objective is to know God and make him known.  To become one with the Father as Jesus was one with the Father; this was the prayer off the master.  This is also my prayer. 

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Anxiety and the Empath

Similar to PTSD your past life traumatic experiences can be as real as if they happened in this lifetime.

Ongoing anxiety and panic attacks may be a sure sign you are an empath.  An empath is someone who is very intuitive probably on one of your last life if not your last and will soon be a celestial being never to come to earth again.  Your conscious self may not always be thinking of your next stage in your spiritual evolution but your sub-conscious is well aware.  You have also been through a plethora of experiences in your life which allow for you to feel what others can’t.  Similar to PTSD your past life traumatic experiences can be as real as if they happened in this lifetime. 

Your Next Incarnation

The exciting part of this is that you will probably not be enduring another life in this meat sack.  What sucks about this level of transformation is that those who are close to evolving are extremely sensitive.  Many of these people work in the metaphysical and social work field.  The passions of many empaths are to help others as when you transition past humanity you may become a spirit guide to those on the earth.  Becoming a spirit guide is generally the next step after our last human incarnation.  Your sensitivity is a blessing not a curse as despite your pain you are able to ease others.

Many Of You Know What To Do

A warning to all empaths who suffer from anxiety and panic attacks may lead to alcohol and drugs dependence.  When anxiety becomes overwhelming empaths may use substances to kill the pain.  This of course is not always the case as many empaths already know what to do.  Meditation, Yoga, mindfulness, gathering with other like-minded light beings is all beneficial for your spiritual health as an empath.  You may not even know you’re an empath.  You may have always wondered why you have anxiety and panic attacks. Maybe it is time to start find out who you are.         

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