Panic attacks and anxiety that never goes away. Generally, anxiety may last an hour or so, not mine. I live in a constant state of anxiety with occasional panic attacks. I have struggled with this for 15 years. I probably first stated having panic attacks about 6 months outside of me finishing my term of service in the Army. I went to the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. Instead after a hefty dose of Valium I was told I had a severe panic attack and should consult my physician.
15 Years Later
Now 15 years later not much has changed I still live in a continually anxious state with the occasional panic attack. I do not like to ride in cars or be in places that I cannot control. The doctor put me on benzos and anti-depressants. I think they work; benzos are nice saving me trips to the ER.
I know all the drills; I practice many of them. Daily meditation sometimes up to 30 minutes, I stay active, I try to eat healthy but until recently I could not put my finger on it. I have concluded that I am afraid of death; more so I have (FOMO) fear of missing out. But, missing out on what? I have accomplished much in my life and honestly in 40 years I have done more than most. Maybe it is just the selfish nature inside of me that thinks I want it all? I heard a great quote during one of my many stints in rehab. “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”
One day my heart will stop, one day I will no longer be alive. Should I dwell on what will happen in the future? Or should I focus on what is before me right now? The obvious answer is to be mindful and appreciate the right now. Just for today I can accept my position in the Universe. I may never get famous, make a lot of money, or marry a super model but I know I can eventually live anxiety free. Not there yet but working on it.